JULY 22, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tax Controversy Over Rauschenberg's Artwork. Impact: The IRS's insistence on taxing a nonexistent sale led to an unexpected surge in art appreciation classes. Suddenly, everyone became a critic and began to value 'art' in terms of 'how much can I avoid paying taxes on this?'.. Fact: Fun fact: The IRS considers anything that 'looks' like art as taxable. So, your child's finger painting could be worth a fortune—if you can convince them to sign it..
• Headline: N.C.A.A. Takes Action Against Penn State. Impact: The punitive measures against Penn State set a precedent that made every sports institution live in constant fear of a scandal, leading to a future where college mascots were required to take ethics classes. Because nothing screams integrity like a guy in a bear suit.. Fact: Did you know that college sports generate billions in revenue? Yet, many players still live on ramen noodles because, apparently, scholarships don’t cover the cost of living… or dignity..
• Headline: Batman Sales High Despite Shootings. Impact: The Batman movie's box office struggles post-tragedy led to a new Hollywood trend: films featuring less violence and more puppies. Because when in doubt, throw a cute animal into the mix to distract audiences from their existential dread.. Fact: Fun fact: Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy is often credited with revitalizing superhero films. So, you're welcome for the endless parade of superhero movies where no one seems to have a day job..
• Headline: Friend’s Undoing Leaves Els With Subdued Sense of Triumph at Open. Impact: Ernie Els's triumph was overshadowed by a friend's mishap, which led to a series of motivational speeches about the importance of friendship. This eventually spiraled into an entire self-help industry dedicated to ‘not messing up your friends’ lives’—also known as ‘how to be a decent human.’. Fact: Did you know that Ernie Els is also known as ‘The Big Easy’? Because if you can win majors while looking like you just rolled out of bed, maybe we all should just embrace the ‘no effort’ lifestyle..