JULY 13, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Medicaid Expansion Controversy in Florida. Impact: Rick Scott's refusal to expand Medicaid sent ripples through the healthcare system, causing hospitals to increase their lobbying budgets. This eventually led to a rise in hospital food costs, making jello the most expensive item on the menu in the future. Thanks, Rick!. Fact: Did you know that jello has been a staple in hospital cuisine since the dawn of time? It’s like the only thing that survived the apocalypse of hospital menus!.
• Headline: Signs of Economic Recovery Ahead. Impact: The optimistic predictions about the economy resulted in a surge of 'I told you so' emails from experts. Ironically, this led to the rise of unsolicited motivational quotes everywhere, making Mondays even worse for the average worker.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Experts' used to be called 'guessers' before the economy got all fancy. Now they just wear glasses and nod a lot!.
• Headline: Identity Conflict of Arab Citizens in Israel. Impact: The tug-of-war over Arab citizens' identity sparked a series of identity crises that would later lead to the creation of support groups for confused nationalists, resulting in a booming market for therapist couches.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'identity crisis' was first coined in a group meeting of confused citizens? It's basically the original 'meetup'!.
• Headline: Bankruptcy in California Isn’t Seen as a Trend. Impact: San Bernardino's bankruptcy opened the floodgates for cities to declare financial trouble without fear, leading to a nationwide trend of cities holding 'bankruptcy parties' where everyone just pretends they’re fine.. Fact: Did you know that bankruptcy parties are just like regular parties, but with more denial and fewer snacks? The cake is still there, but it's in the shape of a debt!.
• Headline: U.S. Pursuing a Middleman in Web Piracy. Impact: The pursuit of Richard O'Dwyer for web piracy led to an unforeseen rise in VPN subscriptions, creating a world where hiding from the law became cooler than actually following it. Who knew illegal activities would boost tech sales?. Fact: Fun fact: VPN stands for 'Very Private Network,' which is the internet's way of saying, 'Shh, we’re not supposed to be doing this!'.