JULY 1, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bain Attacks Shape Obama-Romney Campaign. Impact: In the grand tapestry of American politics, this moment set off a chain reaction where every candidate now had to hire a historian to dig up dirt on their opponents' pasts at Bain Capital. Little did they know, it would eventually lead to a reality show called 'Capital Crimes'.. Fact: Did you know that Mitt Romney's time at Bain Capital inspired more conspiracy theories than the moon landing? Apparently, no one can resist a good villain backstory..
• Headline: Mahmoud Dowlatabadi's Literary Impact. Impact: The publication of 'The Colonel' in the U.S. set off a literary revolution that led to a bizarre trend where every underground writer sought to have their work published abroad first, creating a black market for 'subversive' literature that would make even the CIA raise an eyebrow.. Fact: Did you know that Mahmoud Dowlatabadi's book wasn't even available in Iran yet? It’s like getting the latest viral video three months before it hits the mainstream, but way more serious..
• Headline: Stung by Recession, Young Voters Shed Image as Obama Brigade. Impact: As young voters shed their Obama Brigade image, this unwittingly opened the floodgates for a new wave of memes and TikTok trends that would forever change political campaigning into a cringe-fest of dance challenges and hashtags. Thank you, recession!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Obama Brigade' is now used in political circles as a euphemism for 'hipsters who wish they were in the 2008 campaign'?.
• Headline: ‘Ted’ Tops Box Office Weekend Numbers. Impact: The success of 'Ted' ushered in an era of anthropomorphic characters dominating the box office, leading to a bizarre future where everyone began to anthropomorphize everything, even their coffee mugs. Soon, we were all having deep conversations with our ceramic friends.. Fact: Did you know that 'Ted' was originally pitched as a documentary? Just kidding, but it would have made for some very awkward family gatherings..