JUNE 23, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Challenges of Traveling Pole-Vaulters. Impact: When pole-vaulters finally figured out how to get their poles on planes, airlines started charging them extra fees, which led to a global inflation crisis that indirectly caused the rise of the inflatable pole-vaulting competition in the 2030s. Who knew airport logistics could reshape sports history?. Fact: Airlines once considered pole-vaulting poles as potential weapons. Clearly, they never experienced the wrath of an angry pole-vaulter at 30,000 feet..
• Headline: Rise in Trade Barriers Worldwide. Impact: As countries started barricading their markets, it set off a chain reaction that eventually led to the Great Trade Wars of the 2040s, where nations battled over who could impose the most ridiculous tariffs. Spoiler: the winner was everyone who didn't play.. Fact: If you think trade barriers are bad now, just wait until they invent a barrier made of actual trade agreements that no one understands!.
• Headline: Impact of Moody's Credit Downgrades. Impact: The downgrade drama led to a massive exodus of bank executives who decided to become life coaches instead, leading to the rise of the ‘Banker to Life Coach’ pipeline, where they could now charge you for motivational speeches instead of overdraft fees.. Fact: The only thing worse than a credit downgrade is realizing your life coach is also your banker. Talk about a conflict of interest!.
• Headline: Killings Curb Reporting of Mexican Crime Wave. Impact: The tragic death of Vtor Bz resonated through journalism, sparking a new era of fearless reporting that ironically led to an increase in undercover work, where journalists had to adopt spy-like tactics, forever altering the media landscape in Mexico.. Fact: In a twist of fate, following the increase in crime, crime reporters became the new superheroes of the industry—except their capes were made of bulletproof vests..
• Headline: Companies’ Ills Did Not Harm Romney’s Firm. Impact: Bain Capital's unique strategy of winning even while losing set a precedent that made financial firms everywhere start to adopt absurdly convoluted business models, ultimately leading to the rise of a new genre of reality television called 'The Deal-Makers'.. Fact: Mitt Romney once claimed that he could turn a failing company into a success by simply changing its name. That's the kind of magic that should be reserved for children’s birthday parties!.