JUNE 10, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Alawite Division Amid Syrian Unrest. Impact: The internal divisions within the Alawite sect set off a chain reaction that eventually led to a series of memes depicting confused Alawites in therapy sessions, ultimately sparking a global movement for sectarian self-help groups. Who knew civil war could lead to self-discovery?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'divide and conquer' was not just a military strategy, but also a great way to create family drama during holiday dinners?.
• Headline: European Banks and Financial Reliance. Impact: The banks' reliance on borrowing led to a worldwide trend of people taking out loans for avocado toast, which in turn sparked a financial crisis of its own. Who would've thought brunch could be a gateway to economic collapse?. Fact: Fun fact: Banks have more faith in their loans than in their own customers. Maybe they should consider a financial support group too!.
• Headline: Europe Averts Spanish Bank Crisis. Impact: By narrowly dodging a crisis, Europe's banks learned to kick the can down the road with such finesse that it became an Olympic sport. Future generations now compete in 'Financial Can-Kicking'—gold medals for everyone!. Fact: Coincidentally, the phrase 'perils lurk' is also the motto of every bank manager's secret diary..
• Headline: Lax Security at LinkedIn Is Laid Bare. Impact: The lax security at LinkedIn led to a new era of professional stalking, where employers started 'ghosting' potential hires. Little did they know, this would spark a whole industry of online ghost writers specializing in resumes.. Fact: Did you know that 'LinkedIn' is just a fancy way of saying 'let’s pretend we know each other'?.
• Headline: Velvet Gloves Over Iron Fists. Impact: Dobson's insights opened the floodgates for dictators worldwide to start offering 'highly curated experiences' for their citizens, which is just a fancy way of saying they'll control everything but the Wi-Fi connection.. Fact: Interesting tidbit: The only thing more slippery than a dictator’s promises is the corporate retreat they use as a cover for their next power grab..