MAY 22, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Facebook IPO Fallout Blamed on Morgan Stanley. Impact: As Facebook's stock struggles, it inadvertently launches a thousand memes and a new generation of internet influencers whose sole purpose becomes explaining why your dad still thinks it's 2009.. Fact: Did you know that Facebook's IPO was so hyped, it made the Titanic look like a safe bet? Spoiler alert: it sank..
• Headline: NY's Investigation into Insurance Kickbacks. Impact: New York's investigation into insurance payments leads to a grand conspiracy theory: Banks and insurers are secretly plotting to take over the world, one kickback at a time. Forget about superheroes, we need 'The Insurancers'.. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of finance, kickbacks are like that one friend who 'pays you back' with a promise – sounds good, but you never see the cash..
• Headline: Public Funds Diverted to Private Education. Impact: The backdoor funding of private schools leads to a future where only the elite can afford a quality education, while the rest are left Googling 'how to teach my kids math' and asking Siri for help.. Fact: Did you know that taxpayer-funded scholarships for private schools are like giving candy to kids and telling them it's broccoli? Everyone's confused, but some still end up with candy..
• Headline: Latest Met Aria: Bad Opera News Is No News. Impact: The Met's decision to stop reviews creates a ripple effect in the arts world, resulting in an underground movement of disgruntled opera singers who start a podcast called 'Bad Aria: The Untold Stories'.. Fact: Fun fact: Negative reviews are like garlic to a vampire in the opera world. They might just make the art form stronger, or at least less pretentious..
• Headline: Iran Nears Deal on Inspecting Atomic Site, U.N. Chief Says. Impact: Iran's deal on atomic inspections sends shockwaves through global politics, leading to a future where everyone is suddenly an expert on nuclear physics and speculates about the next best nuclear-powered coffee maker.. Fact: Did you know that nuclear inspections are the adult version of a surprise pop quiz? No one likes them, but they’re necessary to avoid potential explosions... literally..