APRIL 27, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: S.&P. Downgrades Spain’s Credit Rating. Impact: Spain's downgrade set off a chain reaction that made every European finance minister's hair turn gray. This led to the creation of a new hairstyle trend called the 'Panic Cut' that remains popular among stressed-out politicians to this day.. Fact: Did you know that after this downgrade, Spain became the birthplace of the 'financial crisis party'? Because nothing says celebration like a massive economic downturn!.
• Headline: Gingrich's Unique Departure from Race. Impact: Newt's dramatic exits became a template for candidates everywhere, leading to the invention of the 'political exit strategy'—a series of dramatic press conferences that now dominate election seasons, turning every dropout into a reality TV star.. Fact: Did you know that Newt Gingrich's exits were so theatrical they inspired a new genre of political drama? It's called 'Extreme Politicking: The Musical'—coming soon to a theater near you!.
• Headline: U.S. Sees Positive Signs From China on Security Issues. Impact: China's mysterious motives led to the creation of countless conspiracy theories, resulting in a global surge of 'China is up to something' podcasts that took the internet by storm. Now every random sneeze in Beijing sends conspiracy theorists into a frenzy!. Fact: Did you know that after these 'positive signs,' the world collectively agreed to play a game of 'guess what China really wants'? Spoiler alert: nobody's winning!.