APRIL 20, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Luxury Apartment Boom: Size Matters. Impact: In a world where luxury apartments grow larger, so do the egos of the wealthy. This leads to an unending cycle of 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' but with more marble countertops. Eventually, someone tries to fit a yacht inside a high-rise, and the city is never the same.. Fact: Did you know that the average size of an apartment has increased so much that some units now come with their own zip code? Talk about living large!.
• Headline: Concerns Over Global Economic Recovery. Impact: The global finance leaders' fear of recovery becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. As they huddle together like worried penguins, they inadvertently create a new trend in panic meetings, leading to a boom in conference room snacks and 'Crisis Management Retreats' that become more popular than actual recovery.. Fact: Did you know that discussing economic fears in a room full of finance leaders can burn more calories than jogging? They just need to stop reaching for the donuts..
• Headline: Slashing the Tires on the Welcome Wagon. Impact: The sharp-witted comedy becomes a cultural touchstone, leading to an influx of awkward dinner parties where everyone tries to be 'witty' but end up just causing more unease. This eventually results in the invention of social media algorithms that only promote awkward humor.. Fact: Did you know that awkward humor has been scientifically proven to make you 75% more likely to cringe during family gatherings? It's a delicate dance!.
• Headline: In Basement, Hopes to Solve ’79 Case of Missing Boy. Impact: The search for Etan Patz leads to a nationwide wave of awareness about child safety that ultimately results in the establishment of more secure school bus routes. Ironically, this makes children feel like they are in a spy movie, leading to a generation of kids who think every bus ride is a secret mission.. Fact: The case of Etan Patz remains one of the most haunting in NYC history, reminding us that behind every missing child case, there are countless families forever changed. Always a somber reality check..