APRIL 7, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Toys 'R' Us Tries to Reinvent Itself. Impact: If Toys ‘R’ Us had just decided to pivot to selling adult collectible figurines, we might have avoided several existential crises among millennials who just want to reconnect with their childhood. Instead, we got a world where adults are still trying to find their inner child in overpriced nostalgia.. Fact: Did you know that Toys ‘R’ Us is the reason many adults still have unresolved issues regarding their childhood? Thanks a lot, Geoffrey the Giraffe!.
• Headline: Defibrillator Wires Raise Safety Concerns. Impact: The heart device flaws led to a newfound fear of technology, resulting in the rise of knitting as a popular hobby. Who needs a defibrillator when you can knit cozy sweaters that might just save your heart from the cold realities of modern medicine?. Fact: Fun fact: knitting is now considered a safer alternative to heart surgery. At least you won't have to worry about wires malfunctioning!.
• Headline: Giuseppi Logan’s Second Chance. Impact: Giuseppi Logan’s comeback story inspired countless musicians to think that all they need for a second chance is a good PR team, which inadvertently led to a surge in 'lost' artists reemerging with questionable albums.. Fact: Fun fact: Giuseppi Logan's albums are now considered rare gems, while most of those 'lost' artists reemerging today are just relics of a bad karaoke night..
• Headline: A Parish Without Borders. Impact: The Oratory Church of St. Boniface's unconventional approach to parish life led to a series of 'parish tourism' trends, where people now travel across state lines to find community in a church that doesn’t judge them for their life choices.. Fact: Did you know that ‘destination churches’ are now the hipster version of vacation spots? Who needs a beach when you can have a sermon and artisanal coffee?.