MARCH 24, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Innovative Pit Orchestra Experiment in NYC. Impact: By relocating orchestras to distant rooms, the sounds of music became the preferred method of communication among hipsters, leading to a future where conversations are only held through interpretive dance.. Fact: Fun fact: The first pit orchestra was created so the audience wouldn't have to hear the actors' terrible singing. Just kidding, it was just to enhance the experience, but wouldn’t that have been hilarious?.
• Headline: Obama's Emotional Response to Trayvon Martin. Impact: Obama's heartfelt statement on Trayvon's death sparked a global movement for social justice, ultimately leading to the creation of an entire Netflix category: 'Tragic Stories That Will Make You Question Humanity.'. Fact: It's interesting how a single emotional response can ripple through society, much like a pebble dropped in a pond... or a tragic event dropped into a political arena..
• Headline: Chamberlain's Ankle Injury Shocks Yankees Fans. Impact: Chamberlain's trampoline accident led to the establishment of strict 'trampoline safety' regulations, which inadvertently caused a surge in backyard wrestling leagues. Who knew safety could be so entertaining?. Fact: Trampolines were originally designed for astronauts to train for zero gravity. Now, they’re just a way for parents to watch their kids take flight—literally..
• Headline: On the Right, Santorum Has Women’s Vote. Impact: Santorum's surprising support from women ignited a secret society of conservative females who meet in basements to discuss family values and how to perfect the art of passive-aggressive Thanksgiving conversations.. Fact: Santorum’s values may have resonated with women, but let’s be real: ‘family values’ is just code for 'please don’t mention politics at dinner.'.
• Headline: After a Scare, North Carolina Prevails in Overtime. Impact: North Carolina's victory over Ohio fueled a never-ending series of debates about whether the Tar Heels or Buckeyes are better, leading to the eventual establishment of a national sport: 'College Team Rivalry Debates.'. Fact: Overtime victories in sports are like those late-night infomercials—nobody really needs them, but somehow they keep going anyway..