MARCH 14, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Santorum Claims Victories in Southern States. Impact: Santorum's victories inspired a new political movement: the 'Bored Politician Society,' where candidates strive to bore voters into submission. Little did they know, this would lead to an endless cycle of debates about absolutely nothing, resulting in the world's first televised nap.. Fact: Despite claiming to be a two-man race, the only thing getting 'captured' was the public's interest — or lack thereof. Who knew politics could be this dull?.
• Headline: Coastal U.S. Faces Rising Sea Level Threat. Impact: The realization of rising sea levels led to an increase in the sale of inflatable rafts, thus creating a booming market for luxury flotation devices. The next century saw a fashion trend where people wore life jackets as everyday wear, believing it to be the height of chic.. Fact: Scientists predict that by 2100, we might all need to invest in snorkels just to visit our favorite beach. Talk about a bad vacation!.
• Headline: Tragic Conditions in Latin American Prisons. Impact: This lament sparked a global movement to improve prison conditions, which inadvertently led to a rise in creative writing among inmates. By the year 2050, 'Prison Poetry Slams' became the hottest ticket in town, proving that suffering has a way of inspiring some pretty deep rhymes.. Fact: The phrase 'Rather be dead than here' was later adopted as a popular slogan for a trendy escape room franchise. You know, because nothing says 'fun' like simulated captivity!.
• Headline: A Nation With Too Many Tax Breaks. Impact: The uproar over tax breaks initiated an annual nationwide event known as the 'Tax Break Olympics,' where politicians compete in bizarre contests to see who can justify the most ludicrous deductions. Spoiler alert: the winner always ends up being the one with the best accountant.. Fact: Turns out, the only thing more complicated than the tax code is the number of loopholes large enough to drive a truck through. Just ask your local politician!.