JANUARY 31, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionizing Human Origins with DNA. Impact: This DNA discovery led to a surge in ancestry kits, causing millions to discover they are 0.1% Neanderthal, which in turn led to a lot of awkward family reunions and some really strange dinner conversations.. Fact: Did you know that if you trace your lineage back far enough, you might just be related to a caveman? So, next time you’re at a family gathering, you might want to avoid the ‘who’s the weird uncle’ discussions..
• Headline: FTC Fines Debt Collector $2.5 Million. Impact: The $2.5 million fine sparked a chain reaction that led to debt collectors becoming the most hated group in America, right next to telemarketers and that one cousin who always asks to borrow money.. Fact: Fun fact: If you stacked all the debt collection calls made in a year, they would reach the moon and back. Twice. That’s one giant cosmic headache!.
• Headline: Freddie Mac Under Investigation for Practices. Impact: The investigation into Freddie Mac's activities led to a flurry of new regulations, which then caused a new wave of mortgage jargon that made buying a house feel like trying to decode ancient hieroglyphs.. Fact: Did you know that Freddie Mac was created to promote home ownership? Because nothing says 'home sweet home' like a confusing mortgage process that requires a PhD to understand!.
• Headline: Trade Protest Is Planned on Eve of a Chinese Leader’s Visit. Impact: The planned trade protest ignited a series of similar protests worldwide, resulting in an annual 'Whine About Trade' month where everyone gathers to complain and hold signs, but no one actually reads the trade agreements.. Fact: Did you know that protesting trade deals is like a national pastime? It's much like watching the Super Bowl, except people are mostly just yelling and no one scores any points..
• Headline: Tunisia Faces a Balancing Act of Democracy and Religion. Impact: The blasphemy trial in Tunisia became a cautionary tale for other Arab nations, leading to an increase in 'How to Balance Democracy and Tradition' workshops, which are as effective as trying to teach cats to fetch.. Fact: Did you know that Tunisia is often called the birthplace of the Arab Spring? Apparently, spring can be a bit frosty when balancing democracy and religion, much like trying to do yoga on a tightrope..