JANUARY 22, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gingrich Shakes Up G.O.P. Primary Race. Impact: Gingrich's victory was the pebble in the pond that sent ripples through the G.O.P., eventually leading to the rise of a certain reality TV star who shall not be named. Thanks, Newt! You've truly changed the course of history—one awkward debate at a time.. Fact: Did you know that Newt Gingrich's first name was inspired by a pet salamander? Just kidding. But imagine the alternative timeline where he ran on the Salamander Party ticket!.
• Headline: Luxury Healthcare: Affluent Patients' Amenities. Impact: As hospitals began vying for the affluent with marble baths and butlers, this gave rise to a new class of healthcare: luxury hospitals. Eventually, this escalated into the 'VIP Emergency Room' trend where you could check in with a spa treatment while waiting for a broken leg to be treated. Who knew healthcare could come with a complimentary cucumber water?. Fact: Fun fact: The first hospital to offer a marble bath also had a 24/7 chocolate fountain. Because nothing says 'healing' like an IV drip and a side of fondue..
• Headline: Uncertainty in Republican Nominating Race. Impact: This uncertainty among Republican voters was the beginning of a chaotic political narrative that would eventually lead to more debates resembling reality TV than actual political discourse. Thanks a lot, indecisive voters—your inability to pick a favorite turned the primaries into a circus.. Fact: Did you know that if you combine all the candidates from this era, you get a super politician? Unfortunately, this politician would still likely be unable to agree on a pizza topping..