JANUARY 13, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Audra McDonald Stuns in Porgy and Bess. Impact: Audra McDonald’s thunderous performance sends shockwaves through Broadway, leading to an unexpected surge in thunder-themed musicals and an unprecedented spike in umbrella sales in New York City. Coincidence? I think not.. Fact: Did you know that Catfish Row is not an actual place where catsfish hang out? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Genting Berhad's Lobbying Power in Gambling. Impact: Genting’s army of lobbyists becomes so powerful that they accidentally create a new reality where gambling is the primary form of diplomacy. Now, international treaties are signed on the poker table.. Fact: Lobbyists are like cockroaches; they can survive anything. Seriously, they could probably outlive us all..
• Headline: Fire Survivor and a Possible Olympian: A Horse Named Neville. Impact: Neville Bardos' comeback inspires a new trend of motivational horse seminars, eventually leading to the rise of 'Equestrian Therapy' as a legitimate career path. Forget therapy dogs; horses are where it's at.. Fact: Did you know that horses can sleep standing up? Makes you wonder what kind of dreams they have while they're snoozing in the middle of a competition..
• Headline: U.S. Restores Full Ties to Myanmar After Rapid Reforms. Impact: Restoring ties to Myanmar leads to the most awkward family reunion in diplomatic history, where everyone realizes they forgot to bring snacks. Turns out, international relations could use a potluck.. Fact: Myanmar was once known as Burma. So, if you ever find yourself in a historical quiz, just remember that names can change, but the drama remains the same..