JANUARY 10, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Penalties for Nonexistent Biofuel Compliance. Impact: This fine led to a massive increase in the popularity of unicorn farming as people sought to create alternative energy sources that were just as mythical. By 2030, unicorns were the number one export of the United States.. Fact: Did you know that 'cellulosic biofuel' is just a fancy way of saying 'I wish it existed'? Kind of like my social life in high school..
• Headline: Hybrid and Plug-In Cars at Detroit Auto Show. Impact: The oversaturation of alternative-fuel cars led to the establishment of an underground black market for gasoline. By 2025, gas stations were guarded by raccoons armed with tiny weapons.. Fact: You know things are bad when hybrid cars are more common than people actually wanting to buy them. It’s like selling ice to an Eskimo… if the ice was made of overpriced batteries..
• Headline: Egypt’s Women Find Power Still Hinges on Men. Impact: Despite the protests, this realization sparked a global movement that led to the creation of a secret society of women who, through clever subterfuge, took control of all remote controls worldwide.. Fact: It’s fascinating how women were pivotal in the protests but still faced challenges. History really loves to play the 'guess you thought you were free' game..