NOVEMBER 23, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Italian Savers and Euro's Future. Impact: If Italians had sent their savings abroad, the Euro might have been replaced by a new currency called the 'Pasta Dollar,' leading to a global pasta shortage and an international crisis over spaghetti integrity.. Fact: Italy has a rich history of saving money—mostly in jars labeled 'Mama's secret sauce fund'..
• Headline: Regulators in the Hot Seat Post-Crisis. Impact: This blame game led to an entire generation of regulators taking up interpretive dance to express their regret, inadvertently starting a new trend in financial accountability through the arts.. Fact: In the world of finance, pointing fingers is considered a competitive sport. Too bad no one gets medals..
• Headline: Caller ID Spoofing: A Growing Concern. Impact: This led to an arms race in telemarketing tactics, eventually resulting in the rise of a secret society of honest telemarketers who only called to offer good news, thus ruining the surprise of bad news for the rest of us.. Fact: Caller ID spoofing is just a fancy term for 'whack-a-mole'—you think you’ve got it figured out, and then it pops up again somewhere else!.
• Headline: Republican Might Quit Labor Board. Impact: If Brian E. Hayes had actually quit, it might have sparked a nationwide trend of political officials resigning at the first sign of discomfort, leading to a government populated entirely by houseplants.. Fact: Resigning from a labor board is just like quitting a gym membership—everyone pretends to care, but really, no one notices..
• Headline: Chaos Builds in the Streets of Cairo as a Truce Fails. Impact: This tragic event spiraled into a series of global protests, ultimately leading to the establishment of a 'World Peace Day' where everyone just awkwardly smiles at each other and avoids eye contact.. Fact: Tahrir Square has seen more action than most action movies—who needs Hollywood when you have real-life drama?.