OCTOBER 31, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Battle Over Backpage.com Sex Ads. Impact: The coalition of religious leaders and attorneys general inadvertently sparked a nationwide online marketplace for cat memes, as people sought alternatives to the now-defunct sex ads. Who knew cats could sell so well?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'misguided priorities' could be defined by this entire situation? Apparently, fighting over online sex ads is more important than, you know, actual sex education..
• Headline: Stanford Triumphs in Title Race Showdown. Impact: Stanford's victory led to a surge in nerd pride across campuses, resulting in a tech boom and the advent of new social media platforms that would later be used to post cat videos. Cats again, see a pattern?. Fact: Did you know that Andrew Luck's success was so monumental that it temporarily distracted people from realizing that their student loans were still a thing?.
• Headline: Madoffs Seek Redemption and Healing. Impact: Ruth Madoff’s quest for redemption inadvertently inspired an entire genre of reality TV shows focusing on financial redemption and awkward family meetings, forever altering how we consume 'entertainment'.. Fact: Did you know that the Madoff scandal is often cited as the reason why 'get-rich-quick' schemes became a national pastime? Because who doesn’t love a good train wreck?.
• Headline: Concerns Are Raised About Genetically Engineered Mosquitoes. Impact: The creation of genetically engineered mosquitoes led to a bizarre chain reaction of people fearing mutant insects, resulting in a spike in sales for bug spray companies and a new line of fashion for insect-repellent clothing.. Fact: Did you know that mosquitoes are the only animals that can make you wish you were living in a Jurassic Park scenario? At least then you’d have a chance of outrunning them!.
• Headline: As Meeting Approaches, Fed Panel Is Divided on Direction. Impact: The Fed’s indecision led to a national crisis of confidence, resulting in the popularization of financial memes that still haunt us today. Thanks a lot, economic experts!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'let's agree to disagree' was coined during a Fed meeting? Apparently, indecisiveness does lead to a rich history of procrastination!.