OCTOBER 19, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Romney vs. Perry: A Heated Republican Debate. Impact: Romney and Perry's debate shenanigans led to a series of increasingly bizarre political debates where candidates spent more time attacking each other than discussing actual policies. This eventually culminated in an annual 'Debate Olympics' where candidates had to debate while simultaneously doing handstands.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, debates will be held in virtual reality arenas where candidates can throw virtual pies at each other? At least it’s less messy!.
• Headline: Consumer Confidence and Housing Market Decline. Impact: The decline in home prices sent shockwaves through the economy, resulting in consumers hoarding toilet paper and canned beans, which ultimately led to a new era of DIY home improvement shows where people turned their living rooms into makeshift fortresses.. Fact: Fun fact: This era was so dark that it inspired a whole genre of 'hopeful' home renovation shows where people just painted their walls a cheerful yellow and called it a day..
• Headline: In Rift Between Murdochs, Heir Becomes Less Apparent. Impact: The Murdoch family drama sparked a trend of dysfunctional family dynamics in media empires, resulting in a new reality show genre: 'Who Wants to be the Next Media Tycoon?' where contestants had to sabotage each other’s careers to win.. Fact: In a bizarre twist, the show's finale was won by a cat named Mr. Whiskers, proving once and for all that sometimes, the most qualified candidate is just a cute animal..
• Headline: U.S. Solar Panel Makers Say China Violated Trade Rules. Impact: The trade dispute led to a solar panel arms race, resulting in the invention of solar panels that could also double as weapons. Years later, renewable energy became the new strategy in global warfare.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, solar panels are so advanced they can actually charge your phone while you sleep? Talk about multitasking!.