AUGUST 25, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jobs Resigns as Apple CEO Due to Illness. Impact: Steve Jobs stepping down created a ripple effect that led to the rise of countless 'design geniuses' who thought they could replicate Apple's success by simply using a slightly different shade of silver. Welcome to the land of mediocre tech products and overpriced accessories.. Fact: Did you know that Jobs once said, 'Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.' Too bad he didn’t design a way to stay healthy..
• Headline: New Jersey Alters Eyewitness ID Rules. Impact: This ruling is likely to cause a nationwide existential crisis for eyewitnesses everywhere, as they start second-guessing their memories. 'Was that really him, or was it just a guy who looked like him?'. Fact: Did you know that eyewitness testimonies have been found to be more unreliable than your friend who insists they can totally eat just one chip? Spoiler alert: they can't..
• Headline: Without Its Master of Design, Apple Will Face Many Challenges. Impact: Without Jobs, Apple faced a slew of challenges, including figuring out how to make their products look sleek while somehow still managing to charge you an arm and a leg for them. Will they ever recover? Probably, but not without some very expensive marketing.. Fact: Did you know that Apple products are designed to be so intuitive that even a caveman could use them? Oh wait, that's just a myth. Back to the drawing board, cavemen..