AUGUST 6, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic U.S. Debt Rating Downgrade. Impact: When S&P downgraded the U.S. debt rating, it sent shockwaves through the financial world. Little did they know, this would lead to a long chain of 'Who thought that was a good idea?' conversations among economists, resulting in an influx of people seeking out finance degrees just to avoid ever having to answer those questions themselves.. Fact: Did you know that after this downgrade, people started hoarding gold like it was the last slice of pizza at a party? Because when in doubt, turn your assets into shiny rocks!.
• Headline: Crafting College Essays Over Summer Break. Impact: As students began curating their summers solely to impress college admissions officers, the age-old art of actually enjoying summer slowly began to die out. This eventually led to a generation of adults who can't even remember what a real vacation feels like—thank you, overachieving youth!. Fact: Fun fact: Summer jobs used to be about earning pocket money, but now they're just a fancy way to pad an application! Who knew flipping burgers could lead to a PhD?.
• Headline: Disillusionment in Tunisia's Arab Spring Legacy. Impact: The disillusionment in Tunisia post-Arab Spring was a catalyst for a worldwide trend of activism turning into apathy. As youth realized that change takes longer than waiting for your pizza delivery, they began to wonder if they should just stick to memes instead.. Fact: It's interesting how quickly revolutions can lead to disappointment. Who knew that 'freedom' came with a side of 'we're still figuring this out'?.
• Headline: Ex-Lawmaker Still a Friend of Hospitals. Impact: Earl Pomeroy’s post-Congress lobbying escapades showed future politicians that you can have your cake and eat it too, as long as you have a good enough aide to help you navigate the murky waters of ethics. This led to a new generation of political operatives mastering the art of 'how to keep your friends close and your lobbyists closer.'. Fact: Isn't it cute how ex-lawmakers can still be 'friends' with industries they once regulated? It's like the ultimate political reunion, but with more cash involved!.
• Headline: Copter Downed by Taliban Fire; Elite U.S. Unit Among Dead. Impact: The tragic downing of the helicopter marked a grim reminder of the costs of conflict, leading to an uptick in military-themed video games. Players around the world began to think they could single-handedly save the day, completely ignoring the real-life complexities of warfare. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Did you know that elite units like the Navy Seals are basically the real-life Avengers? Only without the spandex and with a lot more paperwork!.