AUGUST 2, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chinese Techniques Revolutionize Pearl Industry. Impact: The surge of cheaper pearls from China led to a fashion revolution, where suddenly everyone thought they were a jewelry connoisseur. This inspired a wave of DIY pearl jewelry kits that, decades later, resulted in an explosion of awkward family portraits featuring overly ambitious craft projects.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing cheaper than Chinese pearls is the price of your dignity when you try to convince people they’re real?.
• Headline: Focus Shifts to Federal Reserve's Role. Impact: The inaction of Congress created a vacuum that allowed conspiracy theories about the Fed to flourish. This ultimately led to a bizarre cult of 'Fed Truthers' who believe the Federal Reserve is actually a secret society of time travelers manipulating the economy.. Fact: Did you know that Congress's ability to act has been so consistently slow that tortoises are actually petitioning for their own representation?.
• Headline: Giffords' Remarkable Return to Congress. Impact: Giffords’ return not only symbolized personal resilience but also motivated millions to become more involved in politics, leading to a trend of 'political therapy.' Unfortunately, this also resulted in a spike in group therapy for those who realized how frustrating politics can be.. Fact: Did you know that Giffords' recovery became a new benchmark for other politicians, who now use 'getting shot' as an excuse for not showing up to work?.
• Headline: Somalis Waste Away as Insurgents Block Escape From Famine. Impact: The plight of starving Somalis under the Shabab has been a tragic reminder that while some are hoarding food, the rest of the world is just hoarding memes about it. This set off an era of social media activism that often forgot to actually help anyone.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'famine' comes from the Latin word 'fames,' meaning hunger? Ironically, it’s also what you feel when you scroll past another food blogger's perfect avocado toast..
• Headline: Reaping Millions in Nonprofit Care for Disabled. Impact: The massive spending on care for the disabled inadvertently led to the rise of 'nonprofit billionaires' who now dominate social media with inspirational quotes, while ironically being the same people who won’t let you borrow their car.. Fact: Did you know that 'nonprofit' is just a fancy way of saying 'we're making money, but not for ourselves'?.