JULY 30, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Debt Ceiling: Global Financial Implications. Impact: The U.S. debt ceiling disagreement led to a worldwide game of financial 'hot potato,' where countries passed the risk around like a bad Christmas gift. Spoiler alert: it ended up in the hands of the next generation, who are now living in a world where they have to Google what a 'debt ceiling' even means.. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. debt ceiling is like a teenager's allowance? They keep pushing for more but can never seem to figure out how to manage it!.
• Headline: Social Security and Federal Budget Debate. Impact: By throwing Social Security into the budget battle, legislators set off a chain reaction where every future budget negotiation would be like a family dinner where no one wants to bring up politics—awkward and filled with resentment.. Fact: Fun fact: Social Security is about as responsible for the deficit as a cat is for your broken vase—both are innocent but somehow always get blamed!.
• Headline: Maternal Health Crisis in Uganda. Impact: The increase in maternal deaths in Uganda became a wake-up call that echoed through the global health community, sparking debates, initiatives, and ultimately leading to a lot of finger-pointing rather than actual funding. Great job, everyone!. Fact: Did you know that maternal deaths are a tragic reminder that some countries are still figuring out the basics of maternal healthcare while others are busy arguing about which celebrity tweeted what?.
• Headline: Asomugha Rejects Jets; Picks Eagles. Impact: Asomugha's choice to join the Eagles instead of the Jets sent shockwaves through the N.F.L., causing rival fans to question their life choices and leading to thousands of memes about the poor Jets that would haunt them forever. #ForeverAlone. Fact: Did you know that Nnamdi Asomugha's decision was the real game-changer? In a parallel universe, he ended up as a quarterback for the Jets, and they won the Super Bowl. But we don’t talk about that timeline..