JULY 12, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Bank of America Settlement. Impact: This banking debacle set off a housing market chain reaction, leading to a dystopian future where people live in shoeboxes and call them 'tiny homes'. Thanks, Bank of America!. Fact: Did you know that in 2008, 'foreclosure' became the number one word in the 'homeowner's dictionary'? Right after 'oops'..
• Headline: Central Falls Pension Crisis in Rhode Island. Impact: The bankruptcy of Central Falls could inspire a new reality TV show: 'Pension Wars', where states battle it out for the last dollar in a pension fund. Riveting television!. Fact: Fun fact: Rhode Island is so small that when they declare bankruptcy, all the residents can hear the news from their living rooms..
• Headline: Injury Ruse Shifts Women's Soccer Dynamics. Impact: This incident inadvertently sparked a global movement for women to take a stand against faking injuries, leading to the birth of the 'Honest Soccer League'. Too bad it never caught on.. Fact: Did you know that women in soccer are just as likely to fake an injury as men are to pretend they know how to fix a car? Spoiler: neither are very good at it..
• Headline: Family of Robert F. Kennedy Rethinks His Place at Library. Impact: The re-evaluation of Robert F. Kennedy's legacy at the library might just lead to future generations wondering if they should even have libraries at all. Who needs history when you can scroll through TikTok?. Fact: Fun fact: Robert F. Kennedy's papers are so extensive that they could fill a small ocean. Just imagine the waves of politics!.
• Headline: Immigrants May Be Fed False Stories to Bolster Asylum Pleas. Impact: These false stories might lead to a new trend of immigrants becoming bestselling authors, turning their fictions into blockbusters. Welcome to the 'Asylum Chronicles'!. Fact: Did you know that the most popular fiction in America is now called 'Immigrant Stories'? Spoiler alert: They're all based on a true story… sort of..