JULY 4, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hedge Funds and the Greek Crisis. Impact: The Greek crisis led to hedge funds developing a secret handshake that involves doing the Macarena whenever they lose money. This quirky ritual has been passed down through generations of fund managers, resulting in a global dance phenomenon that has nothing to do with finance.. Fact: Hedge funds often claim they can predict market moves. Spoiler alert: they can't, but they sure can throw a wild party when they lose money!.
• Headline: French Perception of Strauss-Kahn's Case. Impact: The Strauss-Kahn case ignited a wave of anti-American sentiment, inspiring a new genre of films where Americans are portrayed as bumbling idiots who can't handle justice. This ultimately led to the creation of the 'American Folly' film festival, featuring such hits as 'Justice is Blind, But So Are We.'. Fact: Anti-Americanism has a long history, but it really peaked when Americans tried to explain baseball to the French. Turns out, they prefer baguettes over batters..
• Headline: From Baseball Back to Military Duty. Impact: Josh Holden's return to the army sparked a trend where professional athletes began looking for ways to dodge commitment. This led to a series of 'Athlete Escape Plans' that became wildly popular in the sports community, with some even considering yoga retreats as military service.. Fact: Many West Point graduates go on to serve in the military, but few return to sports. Josh Holden, however, clearly was just trying to avoid Monday meetings..
• Headline: In Joplin, Mo., a Declaration of Endurance. Impact: Joplin's declaration of endurance became a blueprint for other cities on how to throw a party after disaster. This led to the 'Disaster Party Planning' industry, where planners specialize in creating celebratory events post-catastrophe, inspiring the phrase 'If life gives you lemons, throw a block party!'. Fact: Cities often celebrate resilience, but they rarely throw parties for small inconveniences like potholes or bad weather. Someday, we might see a 'Minor Inconvenience Festival.'.
• Headline: Congress’s Man of the Vines, Including His Own. Impact: Mike Thompson's dual life as a congressman and vineyard owner inspired a generation of politicians to explore side hustles, leading to the rise of 'Political Entrepreneurs,' who now sell everything from organic kale to artisanal soap. The slogan? 'Why save the world when you can sell it?'. Fact: The only thing more intoxicating than a vineyard is the idea that politicians might actually work harder for their constituents than their wine collection..