JUNE 29, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Costly Parliament Sessions in Strasbourg. Impact: The monthly jaunt to Strasbourg sparked a string of increasingly ridiculous travel perks for politicians. Eventually, this led to the invention of the ‘Politician’s Frequent Flyer Program,’ where members could trade in travel miles for overpriced cheese platters.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more expensive than a Parliament meeting is the cost of those tiny sandwiches they serve? It's like they think we’re all on a perpetual diet..
• Headline: Fashionable Feathers Disrupt Fishing Industry. Impact: The hair accessory trend for fishing led to a bizarre underground movement where fishermen secretly became fashion icons. Soon, the world saw the rise of ‘Haute Fishion’ shows, featuring models strutting down catwalks in waders and trendy bobbers.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing worse than losing a fish is losing a fish while wearing an embarrassing hair accessory. Talk about a bad catch!.
• Headline: Greek Default Impact on Money Markets. Impact: The Greek default sent investors into a panic, leading to a global game of financial musical chairs where only the most risk-averse survived. This eventually resulted in the rise of the 'Couch Potato Investor' lifestyle, where people learned to invest purely by watching Netflix.. Fact: Did you know that ‘money market funds’ might just be a fancy term for 'places where money goes to take a nap'? Because let’s be honest, it’s not very active investment..
• Headline: Dodd-Frank Rekindles Old Debate. Impact: The Dodd-Frank debate reignited a centuries-old rivalry between state and federal law, which eventually led to the creation of a reality show called 'Law Wars: State vs. Federal' where lawyers battled it out in the courtroom for cash prizes and dubious fame.. Fact: Did you know that the biggest debate in America is whether to eat pizza with a fork or not? But hey, let’s focus on who can regulate more instead!.
• Headline: Cuomo Takes Tough Stance on Nuclear Reactors. Impact: Cuomo’s tough stance on nuclear reactors set off a chain reaction (pun intended) that led to a wave of eco-friendly alternatives, resulting in more people riding bicycles to work. This inadvertently caused a shortage of bike lanes, which then led to the invention of the 'Bicycle Rage' support group.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing scarier than a nuclear plant is a group of cyclists who just found out their favorite lane is closed? Talk about a meltdown!.