JUNE 16, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revival of a Dormant Nuclear Project. Impact: The resurrection of this nuclear plant led to a decade of energy debates, resulting in the infamous 'Nuclear vs. Solar Dance Off' on reality TV in 2042, ultimately deciding the future of energy based on who could do the best moonwalk.. Fact: The original builders of the plant were just trying to create the world's largest microwave. Guess they missed the memo on 'nuclear energy'..
• Headline: J.C. Penney's Bold Retail Revival Attempt. Impact: J.C. Penney's attempt to rethink shopping inspired a new trend where shoppers pay for the experience of standing in long lines, sparking a bizarre movement called 'Queue-therapy' in 2025.. Fact: The last time J.C. Penney successfully rethought shopping, they accidentally invented the self-checkout line. Who knew customers could be so helpful?.
• Headline: Ex-Spy Alleges Bush White House Sought to Discredit Critic. Impact: The ex-spy’s allegations prompted a secret society of disgruntled spies to form, leading to a series of 'Spy vs. Spy' comic conventions, where attendees share their wildest government cover-up tales as stand-up comedy.. Fact: It's rumored that the CIA has a 'Discrediting 101' course as part of agent training. They even have a final exam involving personal secrets and a slideshow!.
• Headline: Pakistan’s Chief of Army Fights to Keep His Job. Impact: The army chief's struggle to keep his job led to a series of dramatic power struggles that inspired a popular TV series titled 'Pakistan's Got Power', where contestants compete for the title of 'Most Powerful Man'.. Fact: The phrase 'It's not personal, it's just politics' was invented during this power struggle. Ironically, it became the unofficial motto of several dictatorships..