JUNE 2, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fighting Back Against New Mortgage Regulations. Impact: Little did they know that this meeting of bankers and advocates would lead to the creation of a secret society where they all wore matching ties and plotted to confuse everyone with jargon. Fast forward to today, and we still can’t figure out what a 'mortgage-backed security' actually is.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than mortgage rules is trying to explain them to your grandma? Spoiler: She still thinks a mortgage is a type of sandwich..
• Headline: Obama’s Job Challenges Ahead of 2012 Election. Impact: The prediction that employment data would be the key to the President's job is just the beginning of a never-ending cycle of politicians using unemployment stats like they’re a magic eight ball. Spoiler alert: The ball is always wrong.. Fact: Fun fact: Politicians love employment data so much, they probably have it framed in their offices. Just don’t ask them how it relates to their actual job performance!.
• Headline: Chaos in Yemen Drives Economy to Edge of Ruin. Impact: The chaos in Yemen and its potential economic collapse is a stark reminder that sometimes a country’s problems can cascade like a game of Jenga. You pull one piece, and suddenly everything is a disaster. It’s like a bad reality show that never ends.. Fact: Did you know that Yemen's economy is so bad, even the chickens are refusing to lay eggs? They’ve formed a union, and they’re demanding better living conditions!.
• Headline: Trichet Urges Creation of Euro Oversight Panel. Impact: Trichet's call for a Euro Oversight Panel is like asking a group of cats to monitor a fish tank. Spoiler: It’s not going to end well. The only oversight happening will be the cats wondering when dinner is served.. Fact: Did you know that the EU has more oversight panels than actual agreements? It’s like they’re holding a never-ending meeting just to decide what to have for lunch!.