MAY 7, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ninth Avenue's Unique Cultural Vibe. Impact: If Ninth Avenue had become the hot spot it aspired to be, we might have seen a butterfly effect where New York’s hipsters would have been forced to find a new underappreciated street to claim as their own, leading to an endless cycle of gentrification and overpriced avocado toast. Thanks, Ninth Avenue, for keeping the hipster struggle alive.. Fact: Did you know that before it was 'sort of cool', this area was just known as 'that street you pass through to get to the real action'?.
• Headline: A Futuristic Hotel Experience Unveiled. Impact: If George Jetson’s robotic hotel had opened, we might have been ushering in a timeline where robots would serve us breakfast in bed while simultaneously plotting our overthrow. The rise of sentient toast is inevitable, folks.. Fact: Fun fact: George Jetson's job was a 'digital index operator'. So, essentially, he was the world's first data entry worker. Talk about future job security!.
• Headline: Top Mets Suitor Would Likely Draw Scrutiny. Impact: If Cohen successfully purchased a stake in the Mets, we might have seen a timeline where sports franchises became hedge funds, leading to a bizarre future where fans traded players like stocks. 'I'll give you two left fielders for a starting pitcher and a decent return on my investment!'. Fact: Cohen's interest in the Mets is like a rich kid buying a toy just to make it more expensive for everyone else. Classic billionaire move!.