MAY 6, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bin Laden's Compounds and Al Qaeda Threats. Impact: In an alternate timeline, the CIA's negligence led to a fashion trend where everyone started wearing tinfoil hats, believing that the government was surveilling their snack choices. This sparked a nationwide obsession with conspiracy-themed brunches.. Fact: The CIA's motto might as well be 'We see everything, except when it really matters.'.
• Headline: Lessons from Life with Disability. Impact: Ian Brown's memoir on his son inspired a global movement where parents of disabled children became the new rock stars, leading to a reality show called 'Super Parents' where they compete in life challenges while breaking stereotypes.. Fact: Memoirs about parenting disabled children are the new bestsellers; they’re basically the 'Game of Thrones' of the literary world—full of drama, but without the dragons..
• Headline: Wisconsin Congressman's Plan Influences NY Election. Impact: The GOP Medicare plan inadvertently sparked a trend of politicians using bingo as a campaign tool, leading to a new sport: 'Political Bingo,' where voters mark their cards with promises that will never be fulfilled.. Fact: The only thing more unpredictable than a GOP Medicare plan is the weather in Wisconsin—both can change in an instant!.
• Headline: At Last, a Reason to Be Always the Bridesmaid. Impact: Kate Middleton's bridesmaid gown trend set off a chain reaction where every subsequent wedding required a 'bridesmaid' fashion week, eventually leading to the rise of a new profession: professional bridesmaid, complete with a union and benefits.. Fact: Being a bridesmaid is the only job where you're paid in cake and awkward dance moves..
• Headline: Companies Hedge Bets at a Cost to Consumers. Impact: The volatility in commodities led to a bizarre future where consumers start stockpiling toilet paper and canned beans as a new currency, resulting in an underground economy based on barter and emotional support animals.. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, hedging bets is just Wall Street's way of saying, 'We have no idea what's going on, but we’ll charge you for it anyway.'.