MAY 4, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bin Laden Killed: New Details Surface. Impact: Had Bin Laden been armed, we might have seen an alternate reality where he becomes a cult hero, inspiring a new generation of conspiracy theorists who believe he faked his death and is living on a beach somewhere. Thank you, U.S. Navy Seals, for preventing the rise of the next 'bigfoot' of the terrorism world.. Fact: Fun fact: The Bin Laden raid was like the ultimate episode of 'Cops,' but with more paperwork and fewer donuts..
• Headline: Challenges in Recovery Efforts. Impact: The phrase 'mission not yet accomplished' could have been the slogan for every failed project since the dawn of time. It might actually be the reason why your last relationship didn’t work out. Thanks, vague accountability!. Fact: Did you know that 'mission not yet accomplished' was also the tagline for the last three seasons of your favorite TV show?.
• Headline: Google Promotes Chrome on Prime-Time TV. Impact: If Google had never ventured into the mysterious realm of television, we might still be stuck watching VHS tapes of 'Friends' on repeat. Instead, we now have a plethora of options to ignore while binging on cat videos.. Fact: Did you know that Google’s transition to TV was the moment when 'the internet' officially became 'the entire universe'?.
• Headline: Bin Laden Raid Revives Debate on Value of Torture. Impact: The debate on torture could have sparked a global competition to determine the most ridiculous interrogation methods, ultimately leading to a new reality show: 'Who Wants to be Tortured?' Spoiler alert: No one.. Fact: Interesting fact: The debate over torture is the only thing that has been more uncomfortable than Thanksgiving dinner with your family..