APRIL 23, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Boeing Labor Board Case Sparks Future Conflicts. Impact: The Labor Board's reinterpretation of rules led to a massive uprising in employee rights, ultimately resulting in companies starting to offer artisanal coffee and yoga classes to distract from their terrible policies. Who knew labor rights could lead to such trendy perks?. Fact: Fun fact: The last time a labor board made waves, it involved unionized penguins demanding better ice conditions. True story! (Okay, not really, but wouldn't that be adorable?).
• Headline: Student Mayor Leads Hometown Team. Impact: Kent Koch's dual role as mayor and student sparked a bizarre trend of 'student politicians,' leading to a future where college kids decide foreign policy based on their dorm's Wi-Fi speed. Because obviously, that's the most pressing issue.. Fact: Did you know that the last time a mayor was also a college student, they declared pizza the official city food? Priorities, people!.
• Headline: Challenges in Solo Family Practice. Impact: Dr. Sroka's inability to give away his practice led to a nationwide shortage of family physicians, resulting in an unexpected rise of wellness influencers claiming to cure ailments through essential oils and meditation. Thanks, Dr. Sroka!. Fact: Ironically, the only thing more difficult than giving away a solo practice is trying to convince your relatives that you're not a doctor just because you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express once..
• Headline: Camouflaging Price Creep. Impact: The retailers' struggle with price creep caused a catastrophic inflation of 'premium' prices, leading to a future where jeans are more expensive than gold. At least you’ll look good when you're broke!. Fact: Did you know that in 2030, the average price of a pair of jeans was equivalent to a small down payment on a house? Fashion is totally worth it, right?.
• Headline: Amazon’s Trouble Raises Cloud Computing Doubts. Impact: Amazon's troubles triggered a chain reaction where companies began to overestimate their need for cloud computing, leading to the creation of 'digital raincoats' to protect against unexpected service outages. Because who doesn’t want to look fabulous while their data gets drenched?. Fact: Fun fact: After Amazon's hiccup, sales of umbrellas went through the roof. Who knew cloud computing could lead to a literal weather phenomenon?.