APRIL 22, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senator Ensign Resigns Amid Scandal. Impact: Senator Ensign's resignation led to a cascading effect in the Republican party, resulting in more scandalous resignations, ultimately leading to a national shortage of scandal-free politicians. Coincidentally, this also increased the demand for reality TV stars in politics.. Fact: Did you know that Ensign's resignation didn't actually free up any of his constituents from the scandal? They still had to deal with the aftermath—talk about a bad breakup!.
• Headline: Airwaves: The Battle for Broadcast Space. Impact: The airwaves clash prompted a wave of innovation in communication, leading to the invention of 'airwave yoga'—a relaxing practice designed to get people to chill out about losing their precious TV channels.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time people were this upset about losing something on air, it was when they realized 'Friends' was leaving Netflix. Priorities, people!.
• Headline: Finland's Political Shift Sparks EU Concerns. Impact: Finland's rightward shift sent shockwaves through the Euro Zone, sparking a series of meme wars across Europe that ultimately revived the popularity of 'Finlandia' vodka. Who knew politics could be so... intoxicating?. Fact: Did you know that the True Finns party isn't just about politics? Their unofficial mascot is a very confused reindeer who just wants to know why everyone keeps arguing about money!.
• Headline: As Consumers Cut Spending, ‘Green’ Products Lose Allure. Impact: The decline in green products led to an unexpected surge in the production of neon-colored plastic items, which somehow became the new 'eco-friendly' trend. Because nothing says 'sustainable' like a fluorescent straw, right?. Fact: Interesting tidbit: The term 'green' is now associated with envy, as in 'I envy those who can afford to care about the environment.'.
• Headline: Obama Makes His Case in Mostly Friendly Territory. Impact: Obama's fundraising success not only fattened Democratic coffers but also sparked a nationwide trend of politicians adopting 'friendlier' campaigns, eventually leading to the rise of 'Cuddle Politics.' Who knew hugs could win elections?. Fact: Did you know that during this trip, Obama reportedly offered to bake cookies for his supporters? Because nothing says 'vote for me' like home-baked goods!.