APRIL 16, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Unionization Vote Among Airport Screeners. Impact: Had the screeners voted in favor of unionizing, the entire TSA might have evolved into a benevolent organization, leading to a world where airport security was synonymous with kindness and free snacks! Instead, we got more lines and less patience.. Fact: Did you know that a union of airport screeners once tried to organize a 'no more shoe removal' day? It was a total flop, mainly because nobody could remember the last time they wore shoes that fit..
• Headline: Beefsteak Revival Celebrates Culinary Excess. Impact: This revival of gluttony led to an unexpected rise in competitive eating, which eventually resulted in the invention of the 'meat treadmill'—a device that allows you to eat beef while burning calories. It failed miserably.. Fact: Fun fact: The original Beefsteak dinners were so filling that attendees needed a second seat just for their stomachs. Talk about an all-you-can-eat fiasco!.
• Headline: 4-D Theater Opens at Central Park Zoo. Impact: The introduction of a 4-D theater at the zoo set off a chain reaction of ‘immersive’ experiences, leading to the current trend of virtual reality in every mundane activity. If only they had thought to add a 'real-life' button.. Fact: Did you know that 4-D experiences are just like regular experiences but with more ways to annoy you? Who wouldn't want a water spray while watching a documentary?.
• Headline: Fans Laugh and Cry for Humbled Pro’s 16 on Par 4. Impact: Kevin Na's 16 strokes sparked a grassroots movement among amateur golfers who now firmly believe that being terrible can lead to hero status. Next thing you know, there's a reality show about it.. Fact: Ironically, Kevin Na's 16 strokes inspired a new golf rule: 'If you're going to take forever, at least make it entertaining!'.