MARCH 30, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Global Wireless Market Structures. Impact: If AT&T's bid succeeded, the U.S. might have ended up with only one giant telecom company, leading to a dystopian future where we all pay $500 a month for a single bar of service and have to stand in line for the privilege of using a rotary phone.. Fact: Did you know that in some countries, they actually have decent internet? Imagine that!.
• Headline: Foreclosure Assistance Program Struggles. Impact: The failure to address foreclosures may have led to a generation of millennials who are still living in their parents' basements while dreaming of their own homes that remain as elusive as Bigfoot.. Fact: Foreclosures are like bad relationships: they always leave scars and a lot of paperwork..
• Headline: Tech Spending Surge Amid NYC Teaching Cuts. Impact: The decision to increase tech spending while cutting teaching positions might have inadvertently paved the way for future generations to be more tech-savvy, albeit without anyone to actually teach them how to use it responsibly.. Fact: It's funny how we can spend millions on tech but still can’t afford to pay teachers a living wage. Priorities!.
• Headline: Washington in Fierce Debate on Arming Libyan Rebels. Impact: Debating whether to arm Libyan rebels could have had a ripple effect, leading to a future where every conflict requires an American debate club to decide whether it's a good idea to drop off a bunch of weapons, complete with a PowerPoint presentation.. Fact: Who knew that arming rebels could be a topic of debate? It's almost like discussing what toppings to put on your pizza... except it’s about war..
• Headline: As Economy Sputters, a Timid Fed. Impact: The timid actions of the Fed could have sent the economy spiraling into an alternate timeline where everyone has to barter with chickens instead of using cash, leading to a poultry-based economy.. Fact: The Fed’s indecision is like watching someone trying to parallel park—lots of effort, but you know it’s just going to end in disaster..