MARCH 26, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Government Shutdown Looms in April. Impact: If Congress had actually managed to agree back then, perhaps we would have a national holiday celebrating bipartisan cooperation by now. Instead, we only have more acrimonious debates and the occasional cat meme.. Fact: Did you know that government shutdowns are like a toddler's tantrum? They happen when no one gets their way, and everyone ends up regretting it later..
• Headline: Freshman Heals Old Wounds for Calhoun. Impact: Imagine if Coach Calhoun and Jeremy Lamb's family had become best friends; we might have seen a reality show about them instead of another overhyped sports documentary. Who knew sports drama could take such a turn!. Fact: Fun fact: The relationship between coaches and players often resembles a soap opera—lots of drama, but hopefully fewer cliffhangers..
• Headline: Shipping Lines Avoid Japan Amid Radiation Fears. Impact: The fear of radiation might have spurred an unexpected boom in the 'No Shipping' industry, leading to the creation of a new eco-friendly, 'local-only' shipping service that delivers goods via bicycle. Because who needs global trade?. Fact: Did you know that shipping routes were once considered the lifeblood of global trade? Now they're more like the 'avoid at all costs' section of a menu..
• Headline: Silicon Valley Hiring Perks: Meals, iPads and a Cubicle for Spot. Impact: The hiring perks introduced in Silicon Valley could have led to an alternate timeline where everyone works from a giant ball pit and meetings happen on roller coasters instead of conference rooms. Talk about productivity!. Fact: Here's a fun tidbit: The more luxurious the perks, the more likely you are to find employees debating the merits of avocado toast over actual work..
• Headline: Wal-Mart Tries a Refined Path Into New York. Impact: Had Wal-Mart successfully opened in New York City, we might have seen a trend of mega-retailers running for mayor, turning political campaigns into a bizarre reality show. 'Who will be the last store standing?'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more persistent than a New Yorker's attitude is a corporate giant trying to sell you discount socks?.