FEBRUARY 6, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Disarming Individuals: A National Challenge. Impact: The struggle to disarm people who shouldn't have guns led to a butterfly effect where a future generation, mistakenly thinking they can solve problems through memes, create a meme that literally shoots rainbows instead of bullets. This 'Rainbow Revolution' accidentally creates a new trend in peaceful protest, and rainbows become the new symbol of resistance. Who knew shooting rainbows could actually be a thing?. Fact: Did you know that the average person has a higher chance of being struck by lightning than being shot by someone who lost their right to own a gun? So, you might want to invest in waterproof gear instead of a bulletproof vest..
• Headline: Egypt Opposition Plans New Protests After Talks. Impact: The protests in Egypt led to a domino effect of uprisings across the globe, inadvertently inspiring a new genre of music called 'Revolution Rock', which sounds suspiciously like your neighbor's garage band practicing poorly. History shows that sometimes the loudest voices lead to the worst earworms.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'protest' comes from the Latin word 'protestari', which means to declare publicly? So every time you complain about your coffee being cold, technically, you're protesting!.
• Headline: Food, Love, and War in the Middle East. Impact: This memoir about food, love, and war in the Middle East led to a culinary renaissance where people started to believe they could solve world peace through fusion cuisine. As a result, world leaders started hosting peace talks over dinners featuring sushi tacos and spaghetti curry. Spoiler: it didn't work.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends about 67 minutes a day eating? So really, if we just put our differences aside over a shared meal, we could save a lot of time... and calories..
• Headline: Stirring Chicago’s Corruption Stockpot. Impact: This series about cops and politicians caused a chain reaction where every city felt compelled to produce its own crime drama, leading to an explosion of bad acting in places like Detroit and Miami. This resulted in the eventual rise of a new sport: 'Reality Crime Drama Watching'—where viewers critique actors' performances over a bowl of popcorn.. Fact: Did you know that Chicago has produced more serial killers than any other city? So, if you’re looking for a real-life horror story, just step outside… or maybe just turn on the news..