JANUARY 19, 2011

Full News Archive

• Headline: Home-Cooked Meals for Pets Rising in Popularity. Impact: This culinary shift for pets led to a bizarre future where gourmet 'doggy bistros' became a thing, making it socially acceptable to judge your neighbor based on their dog's diet.. Fact: In 2020, a dog named Mr. Bojangles became a food critic on Instagram. Who knew dogs had such refined palates?.
• Headline: New Coaching Approach on American Idol. Impact: The decision to prioritize talent over smugness led to a future where self-aware robots were programmed to give constructive criticism, ultimately resulting in a society where no one could accept compliments.. Fact: The original version of 'American Idol' was supposed to be called 'American Sing-Off,' but producers thought that sounded too much like a boxing match..
• Headline: Rise of Gay Parenting in the South. Impact: As the acceptance of gay parents increased, a ripple effect caused pet adoption rates to soar, leading to an unprecedented number of Instagram accounts dedicated to pets living their best lives with their queer families.. Fact: Jacksonville’s pet population now has more followers on social media than actual people. Who needs a celebrity when you've got a cat named Whiskers McFluff?.
• Headline: Can Apple Find More Hits Without Its Tastemaker?. Impact: Without Steve Jobs, Apple's future became a series of bizarre product launches, including a smart toaster that could tweet about your breakfast. It’s a wonder we survived.. Fact: Apple's first innovation after Jobs was a product called 'iToast' which literally just burnt your bread while reciting motivational quotes..
• Headline: U.S. Shifts Focus to Press China for Market Access. Impact: The U.S. pressuring China for market access created a butterfly effect leading to the formation of a secret society of CEOs who communicated solely through interpretive dance.. Fact: The last time the U.S. and China had a serious market access dispute, a fortune cookie predicted a new flavor of ice cream. It was 'Cold War Chocolate.'.