DECEMBER 14, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Improving Educational Assessment in NYC. Impact: Shael Polakow-Suransky’s transformation from idealistic teacher to data-mining overlord inadvertently sparked a global trend of teachers trading chalk for spreadsheets, leading to the rise of ‘Excel-ucators’. Who knew teaching would become a side gig for data analysts?. Fact: Did you know that testing has become so prevalent that even your toaster might soon have standardized tests? 'Toaster SATs' are just around the corner!.
• Headline: Afghan Relief Workers Face Increased Risks. Impact: The tragic killings of Afghan relief workers caused a worldwide wake-up call, leading to the formation of the 'International Bureau of Diplomatic Red Tape', a group dedicated to ensuring that no one ever helps anyone without a full risk assessment and a signed waiver.. Fact: Did you know that the debate around military strategy often results in more meetings than actual strategies? It's like a never-ending game of 'who can stall the longest'!.
• Headline: Tax Incentives Fuel Job Growth Amid Recession. Impact: The tax breaks intended to spur hiring eventually led to a new trend where businesses hired more consultants to figure out how to spend their tax breaks, resulting in a bizarre economy where people were employed to discuss employment.. Fact: Did you know that tax breaks are like diet plans? Everyone loves them until they realize they have to actually do something with them!.
• Headline: Piracy Fight Shuts Down Music Blogs. Impact: The crackdown on music blogs inadvertently led to an underground renaissance of music sharing, where mixtapes became the new black market currency. Who knew that censorship would lead to a resurgence of the ‘cool factor’?. Fact: Did you know that the government shutting down music blogs is like trying to put out a fire with a garden hose? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work!.
• Headline: Strong American Voice in Diplomacy and Crisis. Impact: Holbrooke’s extensive career created a time loop where his diplomatic strategies are still being debated in diplomatic circles, leading to a never-ending cycle of 'what would Holbrooke do' meetings in the State Department.. Fact: Did you know that diplomacy is just a fancy word for trying to convince everyone that you know what you’re doing while secretly Googling 'how to be a diplomat'?.