DECEMBER 5, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Combatting Digital Bullying in Modern Parenting. Impact: This digital bullying crisis led to the invention of 'Parenting 2.0', where parents now awkwardly try to communicate with their children through TikTok dances and memes. Who knew a simple headline could lead to generations of cringeworthy family moments?. Fact: Fun fact: The Internet is basically just a giant playground and parents are the kids who forgot their lunch and are trying to figure out where the swings are..
• Headline: State Debt Concerns Echo Past Crises. Impact: State debts have created a butterfly effect that turned local governments into amateur economists. Now, every town has a self-proclaimed 'expert' who thinks they can solve the crisis over a cup of coffee and a PowerPoint presentation.. Fact: Did you know that if you stack all the debt from states on top of each other, you could create a tower that reaches the moon? Don’t worry — it would still be less unstable than their budgets!.
• Headline: Pushing a Right to Bear Arms, the Sharp Kind. Impact: The resurgence of knife rights has led to a rise in culinary competitions where the stakes are literally life and death. Who would've thought that sharp blades would become the new symbol of freedom and a reason for people to stab each other in the back — socially speaking, of course?. Fact: Fun fact: In Arizona, you can legally carry a knife the size of a small child, but good luck getting that past airport security!.
• Headline: Cash Flow to Terrorists Evades U.S. Efforts. Impact: The failure to stop cash flow to terrorists has inadvertently led to the rise of financial tech startups specializing in 'extreme budgeting'. Who knew that the world's financial chaos would pave the way for the next Silicon Valley moguls?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more difficult than tracking terrorist funding is trying to explain your student loans to your parents?.