OCTOBER 31, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Financial Struggles as Early Alzheimer’s Indicator. Impact: The realization that money woes can signal Alzheimer’s led to a surge in financial literacy programs, making everyone suddenly experts in budgeting. Who knew that learning to balance a checkbook could help stave off dementia? Somewhere, a spreadsheet is smiling.. Fact: Did you know that financial advisers now have to double as amateur psychologists? Because who needs therapy when you can just analyze someone's credit card statements?.
• Headline: Rangers Ignite with Colby Lewis's Performance. Impact: The Texas Rangers' success inspired a wave of cowboy-inspired fashion trends, creating a bizarre societal shift where everyone suddenly felt the need to don boots and hats, even in board meetings. Business casual? More like business cowboy.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more inflated than Texas pride is their home run stats. Just wait until they start selling ‘Ranger Juice’ as a sports drink..
• Headline: Intelligence Role in Foiled Bomb Plot. Impact: The foiling of the bomb plot caused a dramatic increase in the sale of tinfoil hats, as conspiracy theorists everywhere believed they were the next line of defense against government surveillance. Thanks, intelligence community, for making us all feel a little crazier.. Fact: Did you know that the intelligence community's success rate is often debated, but they can definitely claim at least one victory: convincing everyone that paranoia is a legitimate survival strategy!.
• Headline: Down From the Heights. Impact: The removal of the Starn twins’ sculpture led to a massive uptick in urban art installations, but also a parallel rise in ‘who even decides what art is?’ debates. Art critics everywhere were suddenly thrust into existential crises.. Fact: Did you know that ‘Big Bambú’ took two years to construct? That’s right, while most of us struggle with IKEA furniture, they were busy creating a bamboo masterpiece. Clearly, we need better hobbies..
• Headline: And When I’m Gloomy, You Simply Gotta Listen to Me. Impact: James Kaplan’s biography of Sinatra inspired a new generation of wannabe crooners, leading to an influx of karaoke bars where everyone believes they sound just like Ol' Blue Eyes. Spoiler alert: they don’t.. Fact: Did you know that Sinatra once said, 'The best revenge is massive success'? Clearly, he never experienced the revenge of hearing someone butcher his songs at a bar!.