OCTOBER 2, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Contador's Doping Investigation Progress. Impact: This leisurely pace led to a series of doping scandals in sports that would eventually encourage athletes to invent even more creative excuses for their performance drops, sparking a new trend in motivational speaking: 'How to Blame Your Failures on Everyone Else'.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'taking your time' was originally coined by cyclists trying to justify their slow speeds while on performance enhancers?.
• Headline: Bank of America Freezes Foreclosure Cases. Impact: This freeze caused a ripple effect that led to a national obsession with home improvement shows, as thousands of homeowners turned to DIY projects while waiting for their financial lives to unfreeze. Who knew boredom could lead to reality TV gold?. Fact: Did you know that 'foreclosure' is just a fancy way of saying 'I really should have read the fine print'?.
• Headline: Macy's Embraces Local Heritage. Impact: Macy’s local revival caused a culture clash that escalated into an epic battle of regional pride, where cities began to compete for the title of 'Most Creative Local Merchandise', leading to a world where you could buy a 'New York Bagel-Scented Candle' in Paris.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing locals love more than local products is reminding everyone that they are local?.
• Headline: Mexico Seeks to Unify Police to Fight Drugs. Impact: This unification effort led to a bizarre twist in the timeline where police forces across the globe began adopting superhero-like branding, complete with capes and sidekicks, in a desperate attempt to boost morale while combating the drug trade.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'to fight drugs' is often followed by a dramatic pause for effect, much like a superhero movie? Because who doesn't love a good cliffhanger?.
• Headline: Deal Near for ‘Hobbit’ Films in 3-D. Impact: The 3-D Hobbit films sparked a global obsession with glasses that were never quite right, leading to the unfortunate trend of people wearing two pairs of glasses at once—one for clarity and one for style.. Fact: Did you know that the original title of 'The Hobbit' was 'The Tall Tale of a Small Guy with Big Adventures'? Just kidding, but it would have made a great tagline for the movie!.