SEPTEMBER 28, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Women in Management: A Stalled Progress. Impact: This report spurred a secret society of women who decided to take over management roles in disguise, leading to a world where boardrooms were filled with 'secret agents' in pencil skirts. Who knew corporate espionage could be so stylish?. Fact: Despite the shocking lack of women in management, the number of 'men's rights' meetings skyrocketed. Apparently, they thought they were losing their grip on power—or maybe just their grip on reality..
• Headline: Massachusetts High School's Enrollment Surge. Impact: This school turnaround prompted a nationwide trend where every other high school claimed they were 'small' just to ride the coattails of success. Next thing you know, they're hosting 'Small is Better' pep rallies with confetti made of tiny paper.. Fact: In related news, 4,100 students also proved that 'the bigger the school, the bigger the drama.' But that’s a whole different story..
• Headline: U.S. Unit's Controversial Actions in Afghanistan. Impact: The revelations from this court case led to an unending debate on military ethics, eventually inspiring a best-selling series of novels titled 'Oops, We Did It Again: A Soldier’s Guide to Civilian Casualties.'. Fact: If you think the military has changed since then, think again. The phrase 'It's not personal, it's just war' still remains a staple in the armed forces' handbook..
• Headline: Zeal for Dream Drove Scientist in Secrets Case. Impact: Mascheroni's dreams of nuclear fusion inspired countless sci-fi writers and conspiracy theorists alike, leading to a future where everyone believes aliens are just waiting for us to figure it out. Thanks, P. Leonardo!. Fact: Despite his zeal, Mascheroni didn't realize that achieving nuclear fusion was easier than getting people to listen to him. The universe really does have a sense of humor..
• Headline: C.I.A. Steps Up Drone Attacks on Taliban in Pakistan. Impact: The uptick in drone attacks created a new genre of video games called 'Guess Who's Bombing You?' which took the gaming world by storm—because nothing says fun like virtual warfare.. Fact: After this increase in drone strikes, a surprising rise in 'drone pilot' as a career choice occurred, making it the new go-to job for those who wanted to avoid real responsibility..