AUGUST 22, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Small Investors Withdraw from Stock Market. Impact: The sudden exit of small investors from the stock market led to a stockbroker's crisis, sparking a revolution in the world of finance. This eventually resulted in a future where finance majors became the new rock stars of society, complete with groupies and merchandise.. Fact: If you think stock market crashes are new, remember that people have been panicking over money since the invention of currency. Some say the first stock market crash happened when someone tried to sell a goat for more than it was worth..
• Headline: Tech Troubles in National Parks. Impact: As technology led hapless visitors into trouble, the National Park Service was forced to develop a 'no device' policy. This, however, resulted in the invention of the 'Unplugged Experience,' where people paid to sit in silence while staring at trees, ironically using social media to promote it.. Fact: Rangers now have to remind visitors that 'selfies with bears' is not a recommended activity. Maybe next year, they should add 'keep your devices in your pocket' to the park signs..
• Headline: Mozart's Rare Cantata Closes Festival. Impact: The festival concluded with a Mozart cantata, which caused a time loop where composers from the future became obsessed with Mozart, leading to a bizarre genre known as 'Mozartcore,' where heavy metal bands cover classical pieces.. Fact: Mozart was such a prolific composer that if he were alive today, he would probably be releasing music every week, leading to a Spotify algorithm that would be eternally confused..
• Headline: The Open Road Wasn’t Quite Open to All. Impact: By revisiting the 'Green Book', the new play and children’s book sparked a modern movement for inclusivity in travel, leading to the development of apps like 'Travel Buddy' that match users based on their travel preferences and snack choices.. Fact: The 'Green Book' was so crucial that it was basically the original GPS for Black travelers before smartphones made 'getting lost' a sport..
• Headline: How to Get From Alabama to Harlem? Ride the Internet. Impact: G-Side's performance in New York via the Internet created a cultural exchange that inadvertently led to a future where Southern rap became the main language of diplomacy, with world leaders dropping bars instead of giving speeches.. Fact: If you think riding the Internet is a stretch, remember that the first email was sent in 1971, and it probably said something like, 'Hey, wanna rap about the weather?'.