JULY 24, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: N.C.A.A. No-Agent Rule Controversy. Impact: This confusion continues to ripple through college sports, leading to countless conspiracy theories about agents secretly operating under the radar, possibly even in cahoots with the Illuminati. Future players will start wearing tinfoil hats to avoid the 'agent radar'.. Fact: Did you know that the NCAA once ruled that players could only receive scholarships in exchange for their 'amateur' status? Because nothing says 'amateur' like a multi-billion dollar industry..
• Headline: Rangel's Ethics Case Settlement Negotiations. Impact: Rangel's reluctance to admit wrongdoing sets a precedent for future politicians, leading to the rise of the 'I didn't do it' defense, which will become a staple in political debates, making them even more entertaining.. Fact: Did you know that in politics, admitting fault is almost as rare as a unicorn sighting? Most politicians prefer to double down on their mistakes, because who needs accountability when you have charisma?.
• Headline: E.P.A. Considers Risks of Gas Extraction. Impact: The debate over gas extraction not only leads to environmental changes but also inspires a generation of eco-warriors who will one day form a band called 'Fouled Wells and Poisoned Fish'.. Fact: Did you know that fracking is the only time in history when 'blasting underground rock with water and chemicals' was considered a good idea? Just add 'party' and you've got a new trend!.