JULY 19, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mets Avoid Sweep with Late-Game Heroics. Impact: If that blown call hadn't happened, the Mets would have been swept, and perhaps their fans wouldn't have taken up knitting as a coping mechanism. A butterfly flaps its wings, and suddenly there's a knitting revolution in Queens!. Fact: Did you know that the Mets have a rich history of questionable calls? It’s almost like they have a subscription service for them!.
• Headline: Europe's Debt Crisis: A Turning Point. Impact: The easing of debt worries in Europe led to a temporary economic relief that ultimately allowed nations to invest in more questionable ideas, like Euro-themed reality shows. Because nothing says 'financial stability' like watching a dozen people compete to find the best croissant.. Fact: Did you know that 'debt crisis' is just another way of saying 'everyone's too broke to afford another latte' in Europe?.
• Headline: Tax Inequality Fuels Insurgency in Pakistan. Impact: The widening gap between the elite and the masses in Pakistan has had ripple effects, leading to an increase in underground economies and the creation of a new sport: elite dodgeball, where the wealthy try to avoid taxes like it's an Olympic event.. Fact: Did you know that in Pakistan, some elites believe tax evasion is just another form of extreme sports? They call it 'financial parkour.'.
• Headline: A Fast-Paced City Tries to Be a Gentler Place to Grow Old. Impact: New York's attempt to become a gentler place for the elderly might just inspire other cities to follow suit, leading to a nationwide movement of bingo nights and early bird specials. The butterfly effect could turn America into a giant retirement community!. Fact: Did you know that in New York, the average age of a resident is 'too old to deal with this nonsense'?.