JULY 18, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yankees Honor Legends on Old-Timers’ Day. Impact: If Yogi Berra had decided to attend Old-Timers' Day, he might have inspired a new generation of Yankees fans to embrace confusing quotes and a love for mustard on everything. Instead, the absence of his wisdom led to a rise in miscommunication among fans—now they're all convinced 'it ain't over 'til it's over' means the game could go on indefinitely.. Fact: Did you know that Yogi Berra once said, 'It's like déjà vu all over again'? Clearly, he had a knack for confusing the masses even when he wasn't present..
• Headline: Long-Term Impacts of Oil Spills. Impact: The realization that oil spills cause long-term devastation led to the development of eco-friendly alternatives. Ironically, these alternatives are often packaged in plastic, which is another problem for future generations to deal with. Thanks, oil spills, for keeping humanity on its toes!. Fact: Did you know that despite the scientific warnings, some people still think they can just 'pour a little dish soap' on an oil spill and call it a day? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work..
• Headline: Armstrong's Team Promotes Livestrong Mission. Impact: Armstrong's relentless promotion of himself and Livestrong led to a cultural obsession with cycling and fitness that, paradoxically, made couch potatoes feel guilty about their snack choices. Thanks to him, salad sales skyrocketed, and guilt became a popular condiment.. Fact: Did you know that Lance Armstrong once said, 'If you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on'? Clearly, he had no idea about the emotional weight of guilt when it comes to fitness..
• Headline: South African Keeps Nerves, and the Field, at a Distance. Impact: Louis Oosthuizen's calm demeanor during the championship may have inspired a wave of 'stay cool' sportsmanship, leading to countless golfers adopting zen-like practices. However, a side effect includes an increase in yoga studios near golf courses. Namaste, my friends.. Fact: Did you know that Oosthuizen's name is often mispronounced by commentators? They should just go with 'Oops, I did it again' to keep it fun..
• Headline: BP Hopes to Keep Well Closed, but Seep Is Detected. Impact: BP’s never-ending battle to keep wells closed has led to conspiracy theories that the company is secretly trying to drain the ocean for profit. Spoiler alert: they're not; they just can't seem to keep their wells shut. But hey, why not keep the public guessing?. Fact: Did you know that BP stands for 'Beyond Procrastination'? Just kidding, it actually stands for 'British Petroleum,' but the irony is delicious..