JULY 14, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Court Overturns F.C.C. Indecency Regulation. Impact: The rejection of the F.C.C. Indecency Policy set off a chain reaction that led to the rise of countless late-night comedians and a surge in questionable reality TV content. Who knew that a simple ruling could pave the way for the rise of shows like 'Naked and Afraid'?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'fleeting expletives' sounds like a band name? Maybe that’s where we went wrong—too many bands, not enough regulation..
• Headline: CNN's Piers Morgan Acquisition News. Impact: Piers Morgan stepping into Larry King's shoes resulted in a seismic shift in the universe, causing millions to contemplate the meaning of life while simultaneously switching to mute. Who knew an ex-judge could stir such existential dread?. Fact: Did you know that Piers Morgan's dream job is basically the equivalent of a kid wanting to be the principal of a school filled with detention?.
• Headline: New Guidelines for Alzheimer’s Diagnosis. Impact: The expansion of Alzheimer’s diagnosis guidelines inadvertently led to a rise in family gatherings being filled with awkward questions about memories, resulting in a new trend of family photo albums being labeled as 'danger zones'.. Fact: Did you know that Alzheimer's is sometimes referred to as 'the long goodbye'? Because nothing says 'goodbye' like forgetting who you said goodbye to in the first place..
• Headline: California May Drop Its Official State Rock. Impact: California dropping its state rock could lead to a nationwide trend of states reconsidering their identities, ultimately resulting in a confusing new national pastime involving geological debates at family BBQs.. Fact: Did you know that serpentine rock contains asbestos? So, technically, California's state rock is a rock that might actually kill you. Talk about rock and roll!.
• Headline: Trapped by Gaza Blockade, Locked in Despair. Impact: The Gaza blockade's prolonged despair has made global discussions about conflict feel like a never-ending reality show—one where the audience is forced to watch but can’t change the channel.. Fact: Did you know that sometimes despair can be a powerful motivator? It’s just unfortunate when it becomes the main character in a saga that feels like it’s been running for centuries..