JUNE 18, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Turkish Soap Operas Redefine Arab Culture. Impact: If only those Turkish soaps had opted for a less scandalous plot twist, who knows? Maybe reality TV would have never been invented, and we'd still be watching wholesome documentaries about potato farming.. Fact: Did you know that soap operas in Turkey often feature dramatic plot lines involving love, betrayal, and the occasional talking cat? Just kidding, but wouldn't that be a ratings bonanza?.
• Headline: Campaign Finance Bill Faces Special Interest Loopholes. Impact: As Democrats create loopholes, special interest groups are probably throwing a party somewhere in a secret lair, plotting their next move like a bunch of cartoon villains. Who needs superheroes when you have Congress?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'loophole' originates from the Middle Ages? Back then, it referred to a tiny window that let light in, just like how these loopholes let in special interests without anyone noticing!.
• Headline: Obama's BP Fund Decision Sparks Debate. Impact: Obama's move against BP might have set a precedent that made future presidents think they could actually hold corporations accountable. Who knows? Maybe one day, that will lead to corporations being treated like actual citizens—oh wait.. Fact: Did you know that the $20 billion fund was not just for cleanup? It was also for PR. Because nothing says 'we care' like throwing money at a problem while still drilling for oil..
• Headline: Sale of Property Positioned Queens Pastor to Gain. Impact: The sale of church property by Rev. Floyd Flake might have inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of pastors turning into real estate moguls—who knew the path to 'heavenly riches' was through zoning laws?. Fact: Did you know that in some circles, being a pastor and a real estate agent is seen as a divine calling? Because nothing brings people closer to God like a lovely two-bedroom with a view!.
• Headline: Drill Ban Means Hard Times for Rig Workers. Impact: The drill ban could lead to a future where coastal communities rise up, forming a 'Sons of the Soil' movement, demanding the right to drill for oil on the front lawns of their town halls. Because nothing says 'community spirit' like a good ol' oil spill!. Fact: Did you know that blue-collar workers in coastal towns have been known to rally together for their jobs? It's like a modern-day version of the 'Titanic'—except instead of a ship, it's just their livelihoods sinking!.