MAY 30, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ohio Midterms Focus on Economy and Governance. Impact: The Ohio midterms turned out to be the butterfly that flapped its wings and set off a tornado of political chaos. If the Democrats had won, Ohio might have become a bastion of liberalism, altering the course of the nation. Instead, it just reinforced the age-old cycle of 'who can screw up the least.'. Fact: Did you know that Ohio is often called the 'Heart of it All'? Seems they forgot to include 'the heart of political indecision' in that slogan..
• Headline: Kobe Leads Lakers to NBA Finals Glory. Impact: Kobe's performance not only solidified his legacy but inadvertently inspired an entire generation of kids to shoot hoops, dreaming of their own NBA glory. Ironically, it also led to an increased number of backyard hoops, which further exacerbated neighborhood noise complaints.. Fact: Did you know Kobe Bryant was an 18-time All-Star? Which, if you count his legendary practice sessions, is about 1,800 times he practiced ignoring the noise of critics..
• Headline: White House Faces Criticism Over Oil Leak. Impact: The oil leak debacle became a watershed moment for environmental policy, leading to a cascade of regulations that inevitably made oil companies invest more in PR than in actual safety. Because who doesn't love a good cover-up?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'leak like a sieve' was actually coined after this oil spill? Just kidding! But it's a good visual, isn't it?.
• Headline: The Cosmos and the Culture Converge at a Science Festival. Impact: The convergence of science and culture at the festival might just have spawned a new age of enlightenment. Or at least, it gave hipsters a reason to wear glasses that are thicker than their ideas.. Fact: Did you know that Stephen Hawking once said, 'The only black hole I fear is the one that swallows my lunch'? Okay, maybe he didn't say that, but it would have been awesome if he did..
• Headline: 700-Hour Silent Opera Reaches Finale at MoMA. Impact: The 700-hour silent opera has become a cultural touchstone, inspiring countless avant-garde artists to create increasingly absurd spectacles, including a 1,000-hour mime marathon that nobody asked for.. Fact: Did you know the only thing more silent than the opera was the audience's enthusiasm? They were so quiet, you could hear a pin drop... and a few people snoring..