MAY 26, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Whitney Museum's New Downtown Expansion. Impact: If the Whitney Museum had not decided to build downtown, hipsters might have never invented avocado toast, leading to a global shortage of overpriced brunch options. So, thanks, Whitney!. Fact: Did you know the meatpacking district was once home to actual meatpacking? Now it’s just a graveyard of artisanal coffee shops and overpriced galleries!.
• Headline: ECB Under Scrutiny During Financial Turmoil. Impact: The Eurozone crisis could have led to a secret society of economists plotting to take over the world, but instead, they just stuck to indecision and coffee breaks.. Fact: Fun fact: indecision is actually a form of decision-making, just a really, really bad one..
• Headline: European Debt Crisis Impact on U.S. Economy. Impact: If Europe had gotten its act together, Americans might have been too happy to have started a chain reaction of world peace, but instead, we’re just stuck in a never-ending cycle of economic doom scrolling.. Fact: Did you know that economists predicted 12 of the last 3 recessions? They must love the drama!.
• Headline: Panel Suggests Signs of Trouble Before Rig Explosion. Impact: Had the memo been taken seriously, the Deepwater Horizon might have been a fancy underwater hotel instead of a catastrophic disaster. But then again, where would we get our dramatic movie plots?. Fact: The Deepwater Horizon disaster led to more than just environmental impact; it also gave birth to countless conspiracy theories about the oil industry—because who doesn't love a good conspiracy?.
• Headline: U.S. Is a Top Villain in Pakistan’s Conspiracy Talk. Impact: If the U.S. hadn’t been labeled a top villain, maybe we could have been cast as the misunderstood anti-hero in a geopolitical soap opera. But alas, the plot thickens.. Fact: Conspiracy theories in Pakistan are so popular, they should have their own prime time slot—right after 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians'!.